November Nineteenth
A different kind of farm entry. - Location: Greensburg, LA
The drive to Greensburg, Louisiana was a slow, beautiful one. Anytime life starts to become particularly dim, my heart yearns to be on this farm again. For my birthday my mom drove me to it. The weather was the perfect warmth you only get for a few days before a long-term cold front. After about twenty minutes into the ride, nature engulfed the car. The sun beamed down brightly onto the road, casting a heavenly light through the orange-and-brown-dusted trees. The sides of the road were void of houses, people, flags, mailboxes, anything. The only thing present was a forest of trees that went on for miles and the sunlight that shone confidently throughout the entire afternoon.
The farm during autumn was as beautiful as it was when I visited for the first time in mid-June. Unlike the extremely bright, blue, cloudy, sunny sky that is was in summer, it was now a gloomier, light grey, clear sky. Crows crowded in the distance. The goats stood alert within the grass near the dark brown pond.
When I pulled into the driveway, AuntieM1 was standing under the driveway with balloons. I felt my eyes well up with tears in the passenger seat. I wasn’t going to let the first impression this woman gets from me be me sobbing over the sweet, small gesture of blowing up birthday balloons for me. We spent the day chasing and feeding goats, sheep, chickens. I held one of the sheep and stopped every few minutes to pet the farm’s dog. I drove the tractor, picked and ate some cherry tomatoes, and talked to AuntieM about how everything was not okay. And she listened. Though this was our first time meeting, I had already decided I was quite fond of her.
I’ve learned very much during this year on Earth.
I’ve learned that Life begins, ends, and morphs over and over again. I will never have my present self again. That is part of the beauty in slowing down and loving on who I am now while savoring every present moment.
Empathy is a tender, endlessly giving gift.
I am in complete control over who I am and want to become. I decide whether or not I become like the people who’ve hurt me.
Personal joy does not depend on someone else’s absence or presence. My joy is determined by how grounded I am within myself, my light, my life, and my spirit.
I’ve learned that a hurting heart is still capable of both hope and love. Hurt is not equivalent to broken.
Karma works in magnificent ways too. The good I do comes back to me. Tenfold. I have to believe I’m deserving of it.
As well, I do not have to be the bearer of someone’s karma sent because of how they treated me: every time I get the chance to treat them like they treated me, I will walk away.
Being of God requires much patience, goodness, creativity, and empathy. At times it’s painful. Who is God anyway? To me: an intentional, loving creator. An entity that has created everything within the universe and on this planet to move together in such a beautiful symphony.
Love, curiosity, and creativity are all acts of bravery. Doing those acts consistently and intentionally changes my life and the world little by little every day.
I’ve learned that I only die once. And that I live every day.
11/19/2024
Yulani Sann.
Her name has been changed for privacy.